


im not a villain

by atootinbaby



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Episode: s05e07 Tremors, F/F, Hurt, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:42:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23889916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atootinbaby/pseuds/atootinbaby
Summary: “Lena?!”She hears the blonde calling out again. Despite what she plans, what she’s about to do, she feels oddly calm. There’s a familiar feeling in her chest, a void that she’s been feeling all throughout her entire life. Until she met Kara. Kara who’s been there for her since the moment they met; Kara who brings her lunch whenever she gets too preoccupied that she forgets to even eat; Kara who’s sweet and kind, and keeps reminding her that she’s not the Luthor like everyone else thought she were; Kara who made her feel loved. The same Kara who she loves. But that very same person…is a liar.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 8
Kudos: 60





	im not a villain

**Author's Note:**

> this is just sort of a narration or commentary in what happened in the fortress during season 5 episode 7 but in lena's pov. there is nothing new or different in this.

“Lena?”

She could hear Kara calling out for her. She didn’t care. She didn’t care if she catches her, in fact, that’s what she was hoping would happen.

“Lena?!”

She hears the blonde calling out again. Despite what she plans, what she’s about to do, she feels oddly calm. There’s a familiar feeling in her chest, a void that she’s been feeling all throughout her entire life. Until she met Kara. Kara who’s been there for her since the moment they met; Kara who brings her lunch whenever she gets too preoccupied that she forgets to even eat; Kara who’s sweet and kind, and keeps reminding her that she’s not the Luthor like everyone else thought she were; Kara who made her feel loved. The same Kara who _she_ loves. But that very same person…is a liar.

And then she hears her coming in close. The Super’s footsteps are loud and rapid, echoing in the massive fortress as she kept thumping on the solid ice beneath them as if she’s worried that something might have happened to her. She scoffs quietly to herself knowing the superhero might hear her. She couldn’t care less right now.

“Lena,” she hears the blonde breathe out.

There it is. She’s found her. She turns around, feigning surprise as she was caught doing something she shouldn’t have. She could see the the utter shock and confusion on the blonde’s face, wondering why she’s holding the very thing that almost destroyed the entire human population almost five years ago. A powerful instrument, something she would need to save the human race from themselves.

“Why do you have Myriad?” Supergirl asks. Lena could hear the shakiness in her voice as she asked the question, but there was something else in there too–fear. She was scared. Of course, who wouldn’t be when a Luthor is holding something as powerful as Myriad– something that could eliminate every single living thing on the planet if she wanted to.

She looks down at the weapon and slowly looks back up at the hero. She tries to think of what to say. She blinks a few times and glances at the floor and then back up at the blonde. She fixes her with a stare.

“Well, you caught me,” she finally says, tilting her head to the side. “I have Myriad because I’m using you,” she pauses, “like you used me.”

Silence. There was a moment of silence after that. Twenty feet in front of her, the super was still, the confusion in her face growing.

“I never used you,” says the super, taking just a tiny bit of step.

“Do you remember when you finally told me you were Supergirl?” she asks, slowly walking forward as she thinks back to the day when Kara stood in front of her in that light blue fitted dress of hers that hugged her body in just the right places. “You were weeping big crocodile tears,” she stops walking as she holds her head high, chin jutting forward. “Well, I wept real tears- bitter tears over you _weeks_ before.”

“What? I- I thought-” Kara breathes out helplessly. She could see that Kara was struggling, trying to find the words to say, probably to ask how she knew without Kara telling her. Lena only stares at her as she looks at the floor, a faraway look in her eyes. “H-how long had you known?”

Lena tilts her head. “I found out the day I killed my brother.”

“Lena, you didn’t _kill_ Lex,” Kara shakes her head. “I- that was me,” she points to herself. “I–” she takes a deep breath. “I watched him–” she holds her hand out, a look in her eyes as if she was thinking back to the day she thought she defeated Lex Luthor. She was shaking. “I saw him fall.”

“You saw him fall, but did you see him land?” Lena asks, her eyebrows rising. “Did you see him die?” She shrugs her head. “I did, and let me tell you it wasn’t pretty.” 

“That’s impossible,” the blonde shakes her head again.

“Anything’s possible when you’re a Luthor,” Lena pauses. “Lex used his transmatter portal watch,” she explains. “I knew exactly where he’d go–the cabin we loved when we were children and so I was there waiting for him.” She thinks back to that day. “I had the gun ready, loaded, I can feel the weight of it in my hands,” she blinks, trying to get the image out of her head. “Every fibre in my being rebelled but I–” she shakes her head. “I didn’t wanna do it but I knew I had to because if Lex lived, the world wouldn’t be safe, my friends wouldn’t be safe _so_ I forced myself to pull the trigger–” her voice cracked. _No. I’m not breaking down in front of her._ She could already feel the tears in her eyes. “I shot my own brother in the chest.” Indeed, she did. It took everything in her to pull that trigger, convincing herself that what she was doing was okay because she was saving lives, her friends’ lives. She took a sharp intake of breath.

“His final words to me were that I was a fool,” she continues, jutting her chin forward as she tries to keep her tears at bay. “That my best friend, that every friend I had was lying to me,” she furrows her eyebrows, feeling a lump in her throat as she tries to keep her breathing even. Her heart was beating so fast and loud she could practically hear it in her ears. She silently wishes the Super couldn’t. “With his dying breath, he told me that you were Supergirl,” her eyebrows ascended. She smiles bitterly.

Supergirl was breathing so deeply as if she was the one hurting. How laughable. She doesn’t understand how hard it was for her. Imagine every single one of your friends lying to you, right in your face every single day for years while you give them your trust. The Super shakes her head as she puts her hands in front of her. “Lena, you have to believe me, I never meant to humiliate you.”

“No, when I came to this city, I promised myself that I would never trust anyone again and-” she was having a hard time breathing properly. Her voice is cracking and a sob is trying to fight it’s way to her. “…then I met you,” she says with such bitterness and sadness in her voice; bitterness like she regrets meeting her, and sadness like she just lost someone very dear to her. “And you chipped away at my armour with your warmth and your earnestness and you convinced me to trust in people– in friendship again, and against my better judgement, I did.”

Why? Why did she? Why did she open herself up to this person when she could’ve just walked away and ran like she always did so she wouldn’t get hurt? Why did she let herself get lost in those ocean eyes and ate up every single lie that was fed to her? Lex was right, she was a fool.

“All the while,” she continues, “telling you about my Achilles heel: betrayal.” She never should have trusted Kara so easily for her to tell her her weakness. But she did. And that was probably the thing she regretted most. Aside from…falling in love with her. “I confided in you that everyone in my past had betrayed me. About how much it _hurt…_ to have someone you _love_ lie to you and betray you. I spelt it out to you over, and over again, essentially begging you not to violate my trust! _Begging_ you to prove that, once again I was a fool!”

Through her tears, she could see the blonde’s beautiful ocean eyes filled with their own tears. But she doesn’t feel half as much pain and sorrow as Lena did. She couldn’t have because Kara was the one who hurt her. Kara, Supergirl… Is she talking to the sweet and kind Kara who once flew the world to buy all her favourite food, or is she talking to strong and confident Supergirl who once saved her from falling splat onto the pavement when she fell from her balcony because her mother’s pets stormed through her office? She’s not sure. She’s not sure of anything anymore, though she’s sure of one thing: she can’t trust people. Especially this woman in front of her. Not anymore.

“You reassured me ad nauseam you would never lie to me,” she took another sharp intake of breath, “and you’d never hurt me. All the while, there wasn’t a single honest moment in our friendship.”

“No, no. That is not true!”

“No, I killed my brother for you!” she says, finally letting out all the anger and frustration she’s been trying to control for months since she found out. If only her mother could see her now; the child she raised to be poised, now lashing out. She couldn’t care less anymore. Her mother be damned.

“For our friends!” Sure, she cared about her friends - friends she wouldn’t even have if it wasn’t for Kara - but she cared about the person in front of her more. Who would’ve thought that the person who’s been making her happy, the person whom she loved and would risk and do anything for just to see her happy to the extent of buying a 750 million dollar company because she knew it meant a lot to her, would be the one to break her heart? She really thought… A Luthor and a Super… “Don’t you understand what you’ve done?!” she yells at the blonde.

That seems to do something to her because she looks down, seemingly ashamed. The confrontation of Lena killing her own blood for her dawning on her. She sniffs. “When you found out, why didn’t you come to me right away so I could explain?”

“Explain?” she asks, nodding in disbelief. The idea seems flimsy and amusing to her. What was she gonna say, ‘hey, I’m so sorry I lied to you in your face for years. I wasn’t sure if I should tell you because, you know, you’re a Luthor and all’? Right. Of course. “Yeah.”

“If you hate me so much, why- why not out me at the Pulitzer party? Why pretend to still be my friend this long?”

Ahh, that’s the question, isn’t it? Why didn’t she? It would’ve been so easy. She had it all planned out- she had it on video, she was going to send it to Andrea, sure it would make the news. But she didn’t. When Hope, an artificial intelligence that she created herself, asked her why, she didn’t know what to say. All she said was that she betrayed her and broke her heart and that she could never forgive her. And so she’s been trying to think of ways to hurt the superhero back.

“‘Cause I wanted you to experience what you did to me,” she says. She could hear how broken she sounds. “Feel what I felt.”

Kara breathes in through her mouth. Lena could see how desperate she was in trying to explain why she did what did.

“I understand your pain and your fury and- and you’re right,” Supergirl starts pacing, passing Lena. “I made a big mistake, maybe the biggest mistake of my life!” She turns around and looks at her. “But please, Lena,” Lena reaches into her coat pocket, “ _please_ don’t leave the fortress with Myriad. _Please_ don’t let my mistake push you to do something terrible.” How dare she think that she would really do something terrible with Myriad? She’s prove countless times that she’s not like her family, but at the first sight of her holding something powerful, everyone thinks that she’s trying to destroy the world. “You are a good person!”

“No! No, you don’t ever get to tell me who or what I am again!” She’s done.

_Intruder! Intruder!_

Just where Kara is standing, ice suddenly appear out of thin air around her, occluding her inside. She didn’t realize it until she started feeling weak all of a sudden, a bit of pain even. _Kryptonite._

“You reprogrammed the fortress defenses to attack me?” she asks Lena, feeling dejected.

“Yes,” Lena chokes out. “I rigged it to answer to this little button I have in my hand,” she raises her hand, showing the button.

“Are you gonna try to kill me?”

Lena scoffs in disbelief. “No, Supergirl.” Whether or not she would want to admit it, she would never want to hurt Kara. Not really. “I’m not gonna kill you,” she shakes her head. She shifts Myriad into her other hand, the weight of it getting to her. And then she reaches into her coat pocket again, retrieving a transmatter portal watch. She looks at Kara. “I’m not a villain,” she presses the button on the watch, “you shouldn’t have treated me like one,” she presses the button again as she turns around. A portal opens. She walks through it as it disappears behind her, leaving her heart and the love of her life behind. She's done. She can't trust her ever again. She's done...


End file.
